As many of you may know I had my unplanned blessing 14 years tomorrow. Some of you may remember my story, and if you don’t, that’s okay. I can fill you in. My story is a lot like many other women that have been holding on to their story. I have been blogging for over five years, and each time I reveal a little more to my story. I wasn’t fully ready to disclose my past and to deal with the reality of it all.
The Unplanned Movie
To jump ahead, my husband, son, and I went to go see the movie Unplanned. If you haven’t seen it, please see it. It doesn’t matter if you are pro-abortion or pro-life because this movie is about a woman’s story. It’s her life story. She too is a woman advocate and wanted to help women in crises. This movie shows both sides, and if anything this movie can help us come together.
If you are pro-abortion, you don’t know how you feel, or if you are pro-life I challenge you to watch this movie. All I ask is for you to have an open mind and watch the movie. What can it hurt? If you still walk out of the movie, and you still feel the same way that’s fine. No judgment. The true Christians will love you no matter what, but it doesn’t mean we will stop praying for you.
After our family watched the movie my son asked me the question that I’ve been daunting his whole life. He asked me if I wanted to abort him. I paused and then I gave him the truth, but first my story.
I was a normal teenager from a middle-class family. Our family is Christian Roman Catholic. I got the sex talk that didn’t include any informative information. The only words that stick out are don’t have sex before marriage. That’s it. I was fourteen, and I’ve never kissed a boy or anything. I knew nothing about sex. So, how could I be prepared for what was to come in my life?
I was fifteen, and an older boy from church kissed me and groped me. I didn’t even know how to kiss, and it happened so fast. I didn’t want any of that. I was screaming inside, but I couldn’t get a word out.
The next time something happened like that I was sixteen. A boy from school took me for a car ride. He stopped the car in an alley. I asked what he was doing. Next thing I know he locks the door as I was trying to get out of the car. He grabs me by my hair and forces me to give oral sex. I’ve never seen a penis before, and I had no idea what was happening. I was crying while it was happening. When it was over, and I got to a bathroom at my school I cried and cried. I could barely catch my breath.
I didn’t know why these things were happening to me. Fast-forward to the age of nineteen. I was in college, and I was dating a guy. I liked him but he was in the military, and he was going to be leaving. I have no idea why I thought it would be the way to lose my virginity. Afterwards, I knew it was a mistake and I wanted to wait till marriage.
The next guy was just a friend who I started dating. After several dates we had sex. I had no idea why the word no couldn’t come out of my mouth. I didn’t want to. The next time I said no several times, and that’s when it happened. Yes, I was raped. It has taken me years even to admit it. I still question myself because the unbelievable part is that I went back to him.
Not much longer after that I find out I’m pregnant, which leads back to the question that my son asked me a couple of days ago. I told him this.
The truth is that the thought passed through my mind and then I felt sick to my stomach. I felt guilty that I even considered aborting him. I told him that I loved being pregnant with him. Once he was born, I instantly loved him unconditionally. I can’t even explain in words how much I love him. He was truly my unplanned blessing.
For anyone who has thought about abortion or who have had an abortion, I understand where you are coming from. There is no judgment, but I hope eventually you will find healing and to know that God loves you anyway. He just wants you to repent.
I hope that all people will come to know the truth. I wish every person will find healing and that there will be peace in a world that is broken.
To read more posts like this go to: What I Wish I knew As A Teen